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Some of Amanda Jacobs’ favorite childhood memories come from sleepovers. Growing up in Toronto in the 1990s, she had sleepovers with her best friend almost every weekend from the age of 8 onward. For Amanda, these nights were filled with endless fun, laughter, and memories that have stayed with her into adulthood.
But when her 10-year-old daughter, Sophie, began asking for sleepovers about a year ago, Amanda hesitated. Her initial reaction wasn’t excitement but fear—fear rooted in stories she had heard online and in the news about bullying, abuse, and unsettling events happening at sleepovers. With these concerns in mind, Amanda questioned if allowing her daughter to participate in sleepovers was a wise decision.
Amanda is not alone in this dilemma. Across the country, sleepovers, once a rite of passage for children, have become a divisive issue among parents. On one side are parents who believe sleepovers are an essential part of childhood bonding, promoting independence and friendship. On the other are parents who are concerned about the risks and feel the potential dangers outweigh the benefits.
A particularly troubling incident that fuelled this debate occurred in Oregon last year. A man was sentenced to prison for drugging his daughters’ friends at a sleepover, lacing their smoothies with benzodiazepines. Stories like this have sparked alarm, especially as they spread rapidly on social media platforms like YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok, where pediatricians, law enforcement, and child therapists all share varying opinions on why sleepovers might not be safe for children.
The absence of reliable data on sleepover safety only intensifies the debate. In Canada, for example, no solid statistics exist to definitively prove or disprove the safety of sleepovers. In the vacuum left by this lack of information, parents turn to what they do know: A 2018 Statistics Canada survey found that approximately 27% of Canadians experienced physical or sexual abuse before the age of 15, with many perpetrators being known to the victims.
This rising concern about child safety is especially pronounced among millennial parents. Karen Smith, a 36-year-old mother from Vancouver, has decided against sleepovers altogether for her children. “I think it’s a millennial thing,” she explains. “We’re much more open about our own trauma and the things that happened to us growing up. So the thought of a sleepover feels different for us.”
In Edmonton, Christina Lewis, a 43-year-old mom and influencer with thousands of followers on social media, recently asked her followers whether they allowed sleepovers for their children. The overwhelming response was a firm “no.” Many of the responses cited fears about abuse, bullying, as well as concerns about unmonitored screen time and sleep deprivation.
For Mona Johnson, who was raised in a conservative family from India, sleepovers were never part of her upbringing. “We didn’t do sleepovers in our culture,” she says. “When it came time to raise my own kids, I debated the issue. But ultimately, we decided against it—mainly because of safety concerns.”
Rosalie Carter, a body safety and consent educator from British Columbia, stresses that sleepovers do pose risks. “Abuse can happen at sleepovers, whether it’s from other children, relatives, or even other parents,” she says. “Additionally, there’s the issue of kids being exposed to inappropriate content online or potentially engaging with online predators.” However, Carter does not advocate for a blanket ban on sleepovers. Instead, she suggests that parents be more informed and ask the right questions before allowing their children to attend. “Ask about who will be at the home, the sleeping arrangements, and the policies regarding technology and devices,” she advises.
Amanda Jacobs, after weighing the pros and cons, has decided to approach sleepovers cautiously. “I consider each invitation on a case-by-case basis,” she says. She also introduced “sleep-unders”—parties where the kids wear their pajamas but sleep in their own beds. “They get all the fun without the sleepover risks,” she explains.
Some experts, however, argue that sleepovers can be beneficial for children. Dr. Simon Lee, a child psychologist from Vancouver, believes that sleepovers can offer children opportunities for bonding with peers and learning independence. “Sleepovers help kids build confidence,” Dr. Lee says. “It gives them the chance to navigate new environments and feel secure in their abilities.”
Kate Turner, a 37-year-old mother of three from Vancouver, also believes that while there are real concerns, some of the fear surrounding sleepovers can be exaggerated. “We live in an age where information is constantly at our fingertips, and it’s easy to get scared,” she says. “But at the end of the day, children need experiences like sleepovers to make positive memories and grow.”
Ultimately, Amanda Jacobs has allowed her daughter one sleepover, but only with a close family friend and at their own home. “The girls had so much fun,” she recalls with a smile. “It was a night filled with laughter and joy, just like the ones I had when I was a kid.”
As millennial parents navigate the decision of whether or not to allow sleepovers, it’s clear that their approach is shaped by a combination of personal experience, cultural shifts, and a heightened awareness of child safety. Whether sleepovers remain a rite of passage or become a rarity for today’s children will depend largely on how parents balance the risks and rewards of these overnight experiences.